When to Go to Couples Therapy: Portland Couples Therapist Explains
When you think of when it’s time to go to couples therapy, what comes to mind?
For most people, it’s when a couple is in total crisis. And the truth is, that’s when most couples do decide to go to couples therapy. While couples therapy is absolutely here for you when you’re in a relationship crisis, I’d love to share some other signs it may be time for you and your partner to try couples therapy. My hope is that this inspires you to take this step before you’re in crisis, so that your relationship can continue to be healthy & fulfilling.
Sign 1: You’re getting stuck in the same miscommunication or conflict cycle over & over again.
Do you and your partner ever feel like you’re in a loop when you can’t seem to understand each other and communicate well? It can be super frustrating! A conflict cycle doesn’t mean a huge and intense fight. Rather, it’s any time you can’t get on the same page, one or both of you feel misunderstood, you’re feeling hurt by each other, and/or you don’t know how to resolve something.
Through couples therapy, you and your partner can learn to communicate more effectively. Your couples therapist can help you better understand why you get stuck in your conflict cycle and how to approach these moments in new ways so you can feel more connected. Imagine the relief of not having these moments of tension come up as often. This will create more space for connection, fun, and playfulness.
Sign 2: You’re struggling with your sexual relationship & physical intimacy.
Sexual concerns can be hard to talk about and work through. Maybe you’re not having sex as often as you want to, you’re not having fulfilling sex, or you’re experiencing a discrepancy in your levels of desire for sexual intimacy. Whatever sexual concerns are showing up in your relationship, you deserve a space to talk about this openly and get support building a sexual relationship that is mutually fulfilling, pleasurable, and connecting.
Your couples therapist can create a supportive environment to have these conversations about sex & intimacy, to identify and share you wants & needs with each other, and to find ways to positively connect.
Sign 3: You’re in a relationship.
Okay, okay…I know it’s kind of cheating. And I know I’m biased because I’m a couples therapist who truly believes couples therapy is powerful and transformative. I want everyone to experience the goodness of that! But bias aside, relationships are complex. All relationships can benefit from an intentional space to work through challenges before they build to resentments or stuck points; an opportunity to highlight the strengths that make your relationship special; and space to deepen your understanding of the other person so you can feel more connected.
I truly believe that doing this work when you’re not in crisis is just as valuable & allows you to build a really solid foundation for your future together.