How ADHD Can Impact Sexuality: Insight from an ADHD Sex Therapist in Portland, OR
Do you have or suspect you have ADHD? With more folks finally getting diagnosed and more education about ADHD being spread through social media, I’ve been noticing ADHD showing up more in my sex therapy practice. As someone who is neurodivergent and experiences ADHD, I’m always excited to explore how ADHD impacts myself and my clients.
Today I’ll share three ways I’ve seen ADHD impact sexuality. Just like neurodiversity is a spectrum, the ways it can show up in sex is varied. This is a brief list to help you get curious about how ADHD and intersect with sex in your own life & relationship(s).
#1: ADHD Can Lead to Sensory Issues During Sex
Many folks with ADHD experience sensory sensitivity. This may look like getting overstimulated by certain sounds, lighting, smells, texture, and sensations. Sex is such a sensory focused experience. There’s so many sounds, smells, textures, sights, and sensations with sex. This could lead to feeling uncomfortable, overstimulated, or “icked out” during sex. When we feel uncomfortable as humans, we want to feel better. So we find a way to cope: shutting down or dissociating (checking out and disconnecting from our bodies). This means being less in the moment and then less connected to our partner(s) and pleasure.
What do about this: It helps to identify what sensory sensitivities you have and how they impact you. Then you can communicate this with your partner so they know this may come up during sex & what you need in those moments.
#2: ADHD Can Lead to Boredom & Desire for Novelty in Sex
A common experience for folks with ADHD in general is feeling bored and longing for newness & novelty. This is because someone with ADHD lacks consistent and steady dopamine levels in their brain & can thus seek out dopamine-inducing experiences to feel more balanced. This same desire for novelty can show up in sex. Sometimes this may lead to shame, since we live in a sex-negative society. In a relationship, this could lead the partner(s) of the person with ADHD to feel insecurity and like they’re not enough.
What to do about this: Folks with ADHD may enjoy & benefit from exploring their sexuality in an expansive way.This could include more open communication about sex, adding in toys, exploring kink/BDSM, etc. It’s important to work through any shame or relational tension around this exploration. Being able to communicate that this helps your brain feel more present during sex can help your partner(s) reframe this in a more positive lens. It’s valid & can be exciting and pleasurable to engage in exploration with sexuality!
#3: ADHD Burnout Can Lead to Low Sexual Desire
Have you heard of ADHD burnout? This is a concept that describes how someone with ADHD can get depleted and exhausted by masking to get by/fit in, getting hyper-focused and then neglecting other needs for self care, having to explain themselves so often, feeling behind, dealing with sensory issues, etc. To put it simply, it can be hard to live with ADHD (especially in this society) & this can lead to burnout. With burnout, it’s common to not have much space for sexuality and to have lower desire.
What to do about it: The first step is noticing if you’re experiencing ADHD burnout. Then you can try to identify what had led you to this place. Maybe you could benefit from working on self-advocacy and boundary setting. Maybe you could explore ways to unmask and how to find community which you feel safer doing so. Addressing the factors that lead to this burnout will create more space for you to intentionally reconnect with your sexuality.