What is Sex Therapy? Sex Therapist Explains What to Expect from Sex Therapy
One of the most common questions I get as a sex therapist is “What is sex therapy?”. It’s understandable not to be sure what to expect from sex therapy. Today I’ll share an overview of what sex therapy is, what you can expect from sex therapy, and when you may want to try it out.
A good place to start is to understand what a sex therapist is and what they do. A sex therapist is someone that’s been trained as a psychotherapist and has received additional training to support people with sexual concerns. This means a sex therapist has training to work with general therapy concerns like anxiety, depression, relationship issues, and more in addition to sexual issues. Many clients may feel like they can only talk about sexual concerns with a sex therapist, but you can absolutely bring in other concerns from your life. In sex therapy it’s normal to discuss sex, relationships, identity, spirituality, anxiety, depression, life transitions, work stress, and anything else going on in your life. You’re welcome to bring your whole self and your whole life to sex therapy. In fact, sex is not separate from the other parts of your life. What’s going on in your life can totally impact sex & vice versa, so it’s actually helpful to make space for all of it in sex therapy.
Sex therapy is talk therapy that’s focused on sexual concerns. Common reasons people come to therapy include: mismatched sexual desire in their relationship, anxiety about sex, sexual trauma, sexual pain, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, out of control sexual behaviors (“sex addiction”), low sexual desire, difficulty experiencing orgasm or anorgasmia, kink & BDSM exploration, unbalanced porn use, and desire for sexual empowerment.
Sex therapy is talk therapy only and does not involve touch from the therapist (though some therapists will use a somatic approach, which involves helping you get in touch with your body). You and your sex therapist will likely discuss your sexual history, your feelings about your current sexual concern(s), your life as a whole, your beliefs about sex, cultural messages about sex that may be impacting you, and your family/relationship history. Your sex therapist will also likely give you some practical tools, exercises, and things to work on to help you with your sexual concern.
Sex therapy should involve consent (your sex therapist should be sure to check in on how you’re feeling about therapy and get consent from you before diving into sexual topics), it should be feedback-informed (meaning your feedback is integrated into sessions), it should be focused on your goals, and it should be supportive.
Something I often think about as sex therapist is that it’s actually quite weird that the field of sex therapy exists! I say this because sex is human, normal, and impacts every person’s life in some way. The fact that sex therapy is a separate focus in the therapy field is a result of our sex negative culture. Every therapist should be able to talk about sexual concerns with you and should be given the tools to help you with this normal & human part of your life. And yet, many therapists don’t feel comfortable talking about sex, don’t know how to support you with sexual concerns, or don’t even think to ask about your sexuality. To be clear, this isn’t the fault of these therapists but rather is a product of our sex negative culture that perpetuates shame, silence, and avoidance of sexuality. So until our culture shifts and we can start having more open and comfortable conversations about sexuality, working with a sex therapist can be very supportive.
So, why should you try out sex therapy?
You deserve a supportive and safe space to talk about your sexuality .
You deserve to feel good about and at ease with your sexuality.
You deserve to have a great sex life.
You deserve sexual pleasure and fulfillment.
Here at Empowered Fulfillment Therapy, all of our therapists are sex positive and able to hold space for your sexual self/relationship. Whether you come to therapy for a sexual concern, anxiety, relationship challenges, trauma, or anything else, we are able to comfortably talk about and make space for your sexuality. We believe sex is normal, healthy, and valid. We deeply care about you and this work.
If you’re in Oregon or Utah & want to try out sex therapy, our sex therapists are here to help. We currently offer sex therapy in Portland, OR (and all of Oregon) & one of our therapists is also licensed in Utah. You can schedule a free phone consultation to get started. Whether you work with us or not, we wish you all the best with your sexual well-being.