5 Signs Sex Therapy Could Help You

I often hear folks not knowing why they may want to seek out a sex therapist. Given that our society tends to perpetuate silence about sexuality, it makes sense we may not feel comfortable seeking out a professional who can help with sexuality. We may not even realize that we could use support with sexuality! So many sexual challenges are normalized and erased, that many folks are struggling silently and alone. Today, I want to share 5 reasons sex therapy could help you. Maybe some of this will resonate with you!

As a sex therapist, I’m obviously biased and want folks to seek out sex therapy. But aside from this being my profession, I genuinely believe that you deserve and can have a more fulfilling relationship with sexuality. You are worthy of the time, energy, and investment! If you’re feeling motivated by this blog, maybe try getting a book about sexuality, following some sex positive pages on social media, of finding a sex therapist for yourself.

1. You feel anxious about sex.

If you’re struggling with sexual anxiety, you may feel worried about what may go wrong if you have sex, you may struggle to initiate sex, or you may get stuck in your head during sex. Sexual anxiety can feel overwhelming, frustrating, and confusing. It can lead to avoiding sex or not being present in your body/in the moment when you are sexual.

The good news is that you’re not alone in this experience and there are ways to work through it and get relief. In sex therapy, you can have a space to talk about your sexual anxiety & be met with compassion, to understand where your sexual anxiety comes from, to identify tools to cope with it, and to find new insight that changes your relationship with the anxiety. While we can’t always make anxiety go completely away, it’s possible to turn the volume down and begin to have more power over it than it has over you.

You deserve to be connecting with your sexuality without overwhelming anxiety.

2. You feel confused about your sexual identity, wants, and needs.

Having clarity about your sexual identity, wants, and needs is important because this allows you to advocate for yourself with partners, engage with sexuality in the ways that feel most fulfilling for you, and honor your most authentic sexual self. Maybe you’re struggling to understand or accept your sexual desires. Maybe you aren’t sure what you enjoy and find pleasurable sexually. Or maybe you don’t know how to set your sexual boundaries.

We are rarely given a space to get to know our sexual selves without pressure, judgement, and other expectations. In sex therapy, you will have room to explore your sexual self and get to know what you want and need.

3. You feel shame around sex.

Sexual shame may show up as insecurity and self-judgement about your sexuality, getting stuck in sexual “shoulds” that society has placed on you, or not feeling comfortable sharing about your sexuality even with your most trusted people. Does any of that feel familiar? It’s very common to feel shame about your sexuality because our society perpetuates a lot of harmful messages about sex. We are told that we need to be sexual in limited ways, that our sexual bodies should look/smell/respond in certain ways, that we should be having amazing and fulfilling sex all the time, and that we should be incredible sexual partners. At the same time, we may be told that it’s inappropriate to be sexual, shamed for being “too sexual”, or judged for our sexual interests. With all of this noise, it’s hard not to internalize some of it.

Having support from a sex therapist means that someone can help you sort through all of this noise and all of the limiting beliefs that perpetuate sexual shame, so that you can begin to feel more confident and empowered in your sexuality.

4. You’ve never processed your sexual history & how it impacts you.

Your sexual history includes messages about sex and bodies you heard growing up, what kind of sex education you received (if any), how you have felt about your body throughout your life, sexual experiences you’ve had including consensual sex or non-consensual sexual abuse or trauma in your life, relationship experiences you’ve had, your experience with solo sex (i.e. masturbation), and so on. Why does this matter? Well, your sexual history shapes how you feel about your body, sexuality, and sexual connection with others & yourself. When you haven’t processed these experiences, you may not realize how much they impact you and potentially hold you back from having a more fulfilling sex life. If you’ve experienced any kind of sexual trauma (which can include both smaller and bigger harmful experiences), this can sometimes lead to dissociation with sex, difficulty with orgasm/erections, avoidance of sex, and suppressing your own needs and wants.

Just like we talk about our family history and past experiences in general therapy, it can be incredibly helpful to have a space to talk about your sexual history and have support identifying unresolved feelings or themes that contribute to sexual challenges.

5. You’re struggling with a challenging sexual concern.

Sometimes folks come to sex therapy because of a particular sexual concern. Some common sexual concerns include: mismatched sexual desire in a relationship, having a no sex relationship, compulsive sexual behaviors (i.e. unbalanced porn use), sexual pain (i.e. vulvodynia, vaginismus, or unexplained sexual pain, erectile issues, and sexual trauma. If you’re noticing that a sexual concern is having a big impact on your emotional experience, your relationship(s), your self-esteem, your body, or your identity, it may be time to seek out support from a sex therapist.

Sex therapists specialize in supporting folks with these kinds of concerns, and they are there to meet you with compassion and professionalism while you work through whatever sexual concern you’re experiencing. You don’t have to navigate this alone!

Taylor Kravitz, LMFT is a couples therapist and sex therapist in Portland, OR. She is passionate about helping individuals and partners build sexual lives that are pleasurable, fulfilling, and authentic. She loves helping folks in relationships build more closeness, understanding, & connection together. She provides individual therapy, couples therapy, and sex therapy to folks throughout Oregon.

If you are wanting support to process anything addressed in this blog, you may benefit from working with a sex therapist. Empowered Fulfillment Therapy offers sex therapy in Portland, OR (and all of Oregon). You can reach out to us to schedule a free phone consultation to get started.