Why I do this work:

I came to sexuality work in a roundabout way, defined more by hobbies than academics. I have a background in graphic design, which paid the bills for a while but didn't make me eager to learn more. After many years of being weighed down by sexual shame and the fear of seeing myself as a sexual being, I began to process my feelings in words. Writing convincing erotica meant research, which led to more research, which led to becoming a Sexual Health Alliance-certified sex educator and sex coach.

So many rules have been constructed to govern how sexuality is “supposed” to work... and so few of them are conducive to a pleasurable, connective experience with self and others. From dictates on how bodies are supposed to look and work to the purposeful emotional isolation that most of us are raised to use as protection against vulnerability, we struggle to find the joy, peace, and intimacy of sex. I struggle with it myself, as a fat, queer person in a society that doesn’t want me to be either of those things, and certainly not in ways that celebrate my sexuality, too. But the space we build together will be safe, curious, and nonjudgmental: shame doesn’t get to be in the driver’s seat here.

There’s a lot to unlearn before new knowledge can really kick in. Our behaviors both inside and outside the bedroom are governed by many external factors over which we can have awareness, if not control. My goal is to build that awareness with you, and encourage the unlearning process. Being conscious of the sexual scripts that you’ve been told to follow, and the expectations of behavior you’ve been told to believe in, is the first step towards saying goodbye to the Shoulds and welcoming in the Want Tos.